In Mourning

I am in the beginning stages of a new mourning.  I have been separated from my husband for about 2 years and come this Friday, I am moving back home as we are reconciling.  I am relieved in my soul that that stage of mourning will be over.   But I am entering a cause and effect mourning of leaving the marriage and then returning.... leaving the life I created while I was on my own.

I am excited to start our life together again but with the realization of expectations and sacrifice, this time, now hoping we have the tools available to make things work.

But here I am sitting on my sofa after a long day of cleaning, painting, packing.... missing my cats, one of which has been hiding under my bed since this morning because of all the non-stop craziness.  And I find myself projecting my worries on them.  They came with me on this adventure of independence and have been my companions.  I know that they're happy here.  It's peaceful, they are spoiled and get lots of love.

When we get home, there will be chaos.  From one 880 square foot apartment to a 2,600 square foot Victorian.  Me, my husband, 2 somewhat obnoxious dogs, and 3 other cats.  I am afraid I will lose our connection (my 2 cats and I).  I can say I know we will. 

I want my marriage to work.  This time I have to go into it with my eyes wide open.  I can't start this new chapter of my life riddled with denial of my mourning.  And do I talk to my husband about this?  Or is he going to be insecure about it and think there is underlying regret that I came back?  This is soooo tricky!

I'm not sure I've been in such sensitive circumstances in my adulthood.  Feeling this way tells me that it is just that important to me.